RESPONDING to your thoughts
One of the most important skills I teach clients is how to RESPOND to their thoughts. The relationship with your mind is a two-way street and there is opportunity to shape your self-perception to what you want it to be. You do not have to agree with what your mind is trying to tell you. You do not have to let your mind take you on thought spirals that leave you anxious or empty. Sometimes, the loudest thoughts are not the ones we need to be listening to.
The narrative that your mind has constructed of you is built on feedback it has gathered over time from experiences and relationships you have had. The thing is, it is likely not true and probably isn’t relevant anymore. So, if your thoughts are not working for you, it is time to give them a new narrative. Build it from scratch.
You are not stuck with what you've been dealt. You are not what happened to you; you are what you choose to be. Your self-perception can be what you construct.
Examples of ways to RESPOND to thoughts that are consuming or overwhelming
(usually these thoughts are critical, doubtful, or anxious/fearful in nature):
1) Gather data about all the ways you feel about the situation rather than listening to the loudest, most dominant thought and forgetting the rest.
”Only one part of me is feeling anxious. If I was to step back from the loudest thought/feeling, I wonder how else I feel?”
2) Make a list of the other ways you think/feel about the situation.
3) Once you understand the full extent to how you think/feel, find the combination that feels most genuine and gives a complete picture.
”I now see that although a part of me is anxious, other parts of me are feeling excited, curious, and already starting to plan out how this could work. There are parts of me that are cautious and want me to ask more questions before I give an answer to my boss.”
4) Determine the next best step to take once you understand the full extent to how you think/feel.
”Now that I understand how my mind feels about this, I will ask my boss the questions I have and then ask for a few more days before giving my answer.”
5) Thank your mind for helping you navigate whatever it is that has brought these thoughts forward. Remind it that you are on the same team and want to work together. Reassure your mind that it can trust you. Tell it what it needs to hear from you in order to step back and be quiet.
This might sound like: I am capable. I know what is best for me. I love me enough to set this boundary. I can handle hard things. I am worthy of respect. I deserve to be treated better. I have what it takes to get through this. I don’t need to run away from this. Etc.
What does your mind need to hear from you?
